Celebrian

Just a quick post here today. When I posted about my finished yarn, I wanted to post a picture of the darling girl that the fleece came from. Here she is, in all her glory! Look at that lovely color, that sweet face. What a beauty. Thanks to Jen, at Contented Butterfly Farm for letting me use her photo! I just think it is so cool to be able to see the sheep that my fiber came from!

 

Celebrian

Celebrian

A Good Night, A Bad Night

Tonight saw me heading out to knitting. It all started out so well. I felt really good most of the day today, at least much better than I had after my last reaction to gluten. I even thought maybe the reaction had passed. Boy was I wrong, that thought all ended when I got to the cafe. When I sat down, I was shaking, my face felt like it was burning and was bright red, I had a nasty headache coming on and just felt BAD.

Once others started to show up, I tried to push how I was feeling out of my mind. I did the best I could, but I was having trouble focusing, thinking, and staying put mentally. I have a hard time when I feel like this. I know that it can come across that something is wrong with me. I try so hard to hide that I am sick / not feeling well, because I don’t want people to pity me, or see me as weak. I HATE that something I cannot even see, a stupid little protein, can have such a great impact on me. I do think that maybe my eyes glazed over once or twice, and I apologize if this happened while anyone was talking to me. I can’t control it. 

Getting ready to leave….well, things just got worse. I started to shake again, feel very nauseous, more spacey. Another headache started to come on, and all my joints started to ache. Did I mention how much I hate this? It was hard to drive home, and I am thankful that it is not too long of a drive. I almost had to pull over more than once because of the nausea. I made it home safe and sound, and am getting worse as I type this.

I think my other greatest reason for not sharing when I don’t feel well, is that I don’t want to be accused of being dramatic or negative. That is something that I fight from being a child. Showing sickness just was frowned upon as unnecessary. I promise though, there are no dramatics in anything I talk about when it comes to reacting to gluten. Just simple, honest, truth.

I wish I could change how this happens. That I could take a pill, and it would all go away. It just isn’t that simple, and this is something I have to learn to live with. It is a struggle that I have been fighting for a few years now, and it doesn’t ever get any easier. 

On the plus side, the good side, even thought I felt awful, I had a GREAT time. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed. I was surrounded by friends, both new and old, and we all just had so much fun. That is what I love about knit night, the fun. It is so nice to spend time with other woman who aren’t petty, catty, mean, nasty, or snobby. We all just get along, and that is awesome in my book.

I was also, miraculously a bit productive. I finally finished spinning that half of my shetland I have been working on for ages now. I will try to get pics up soon. Now I am debating if I should finish the other half right now, or ply what has been sitting done for a bit. I am not sure yet.

So, in some ways, it was both a good night and a bad night. I am so glad I went, even though I didn’t feel my best. Laughter is great medicine and I had plenty of it tonight! 🙂

A Wonderful Love

Who would have known, who could have guessed, that almost 16 years ago I met the wonderful man I now call my husband. It has been quite the journey for us. We met just after my 16th birthday. He was dating a friend of mine, and I remember fondly swooning over him. I watched how he treated her like gold, despite the way she treated him like crap. A few years later, they had a nasty break up, and while my friendship with her disintegrated, ours continued to blossom. He was there for me through a lot of the very difficult times in my life. Never one to judge, always supportive and willing to listen. I can honestly say that I don’t know where I would be today if it weren’t for him. He put me back together, and helped me heal from some things that would otherwise have torn me to pieces and left me a dribbling mess. Things that most people are lucky enough not to endure in their lifetimes — things too difficult for me to mention on such a public blog.

As someone who grew up without a support structure, his caring and unconditional friendship meant so very, very much to me. Even my high school friends were flaky, and seemed to be the type who could turn on you without a moments notice. Many of them betrayed me in more ways than one. Family was pretty much non-existent. My mother didn’t really know how to support herself, let alone a growing daughter. She loved me in her own way, but it wasn’t always enough.

He was always there, and he has never betrayed me. I have a deep faith that he never will in anyway. He even forgave me, when in ignorance, I betrayed and hurt him. I did not deserve his forgiveness, and I did a lot of groveling. He accepted it with a grace that most people would never be able to muster. I was young, stupid, and impetuous. Little did I realize then just how close I came to losing the best thing that ever happened to me.

When I was 19, he was even nice enough to let me move in with him. I started college and did not have a driver’s license. The college I was going to was almost 2 hours by bus from my mothers home. It was a mere 45 minutes from his. That, as they say, was that. It was kind of an odd transition for both of us, but our friendship slowly grew into more. It was odd in the sense that we never really dated, just moved in together. What started as a blessedly wonderful friendship became a loving, caring relationship. We knew each other so well, that it was a good start. We didn’t play any of those mind games that some couples do at the start of a new relationship. We couldn’t, because each of us knew better. We had seen each other through many ups and downs. We were best friends at that point. Who better to be with than the person who is your best friend. We had our moments in the beginning. I am a Leo and he is a Scorpio. It was rough sometimes, but we always came back to each other, learned from what happened, and grew strong.

Five years ago, today, we were married. I am a very lucky woman, I married my best friend. Our five years of marriage have had their share of ups and downs as well. We have guided each other through a lot, and continue to grow together. To this day he is always the number one person in my corner — my biggest fan. He cheers me on, celebrates my victories with me, encourages me to be a better person, is brutally honest when I need him to be, and even holds and comforts me when I am sad and need to cry. He is my everything and I am most thankful that I have him in my life. I just cannot imagine life without him. I am a better person because of him, and I am whole thanks to him.

To my dear husband: I love you more than anything else. Words cannot express just how much. I hope you read this, and that you are touched and full of love on this, our day. I don’t always get a chance to thank you for everything you have done for me over the last 16 years. Know that I appreciate you, am thankful for you, and love you with all that I am. Happy anniversary.

 

June 5, 2004

June 5, 2004